Why Running and Refusing Aren’t the Real Problem
Transcript [pdf]
SHOW NOTES
Key Takeaways
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- Behavior is communication, not defiance. Running, shutting down, or “refusing” are all signs of dysregulation — not willful misbehavior.
- Focus on states, not behaviors. Every human operates from different nervous system states: ready, fight/flight, or freeze/faint. Once we know the state, we can respond with compassion and skill instead of control.
- Ready = regulated. In the ready state, students feel safe, open, and able to learn. When they move into a reactive state, our role is to guide them back — not to punish or escalate.
- All humans need lifelines. When stress builds, kids (and adults!) need tools, options, and predictable supports to return to balance.
- Behavior is communication, not defiance. Running, shutting down, or “refusing” are all signs of dysregulation — not willful misbehavior.
Episode Download/Handout
The companion guide — Human Ways of Being — explains how to recognize and respond to three key behavioral states:
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- The Ready State: calm, curious, engaged, flexible, and safe.
- The Reactive Fight/Flight State: overwhelmed, anxious, impulsive, or defiant.
- The Reactive Freeze/Faint State: withdrawn, numb, disconnected, or shut down.
- The Ready State: calm, curious, engaged, flexible, and safe.
It also offers practical ways to help students (and yourself!) extend time in the ready state and re-regulate when flooded. 👉 Download at inclusiveschooling.com/download58.
Highlights from the Handout
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- Julie’s Favorite: The reminder that humans show up in the world in broad behavioral states — not good or bad behaviors. We can’t choose our state consciously, but we can influence it through connection and safety.
- Kristie’s Favorite: The phrase “center the human first.” Whether a student runs or melts into a puddle on the floor, begin with empathy and connection before solving the problem.
- Julie’s Favorite: The reminder that humans show up in the world in broad behavioral states — not good or bad behaviors. We can’t choose our state consciously, but we can influence it through connection and safety.
Practical Tips
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- See the signal, not the behavior. Running might mean “I don’t feel safe.” Refusal might mean “I’m overwhelmed.” Listen to what the body is saying.
- Create proactive plans. Establish safe meeting places or movement options before a crisis occurs.
- Validate before redirecting. Simple phrases like “Your body’s telling us something big” or “Let’s slow down together” help students feel seen and safe.
- Offer flexible choices. Reduce demands temporarily, give students agency, and revisit tasks when regulation returns.
- Adjust the environment. Look for patterns or stressors — noise, pace, expectations — and modify them so students can stay in the ready state.
- See the signal, not the behavior. Running might mean “I don’t feel safe.” Refusal might mean “I’m overwhelmed.” Listen to what the body is saying.
Want to go deeper? If you connected with our conversation about why running and refusing aren’t the real problem, you’ll love Behavior 360. Created by Dr. Kristie Pretti-Frontczak and Dr. Julie Causton , this transformative framework helps schools move beyond outdated discipline toward practices rooted in inclusion, compassion, and brain science. Learn how to shift mindsets, respond with connection in the moment, and build systems where every student feels safe, seen, and supported.
